In January 2001 I wrote a sweet review about a bittersweet album, Partners In Crime by Rupert Holmes (MCA, 1980). The album is, obviously, an underrated masterpiece about infidelity, presented from two points of view: The cheater and the cheated, and none of them are right nor wrong, just emotionally abused. Today on MSN an interesting article was featured containing real testimonies of cheaters, men and women, and why they did it. Why is always the basic question. Rupert Holmes knew it well and here I have the updated review of that masterpiece plus the mentioned MSN report.
Partners In Crime is a curious album about the continuing ironies of love, affection, and cheating. The first hit single of the 80's decade, "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" presents our narrator -later our buddy- feeling the depressions of rutine in his relationship with his lady. Egotistically, he searchs the personal ads in a newspaper so he can run away from the boredom of eating the same rice-and-beans dinner every night. When he meets his connection, she happens to be his own girlfriend, also running away from him. The funny thing is they never knew they both love Pina Coladas, and to get caught in the rain. They were long-time lovers, and love, Rupert says, is a fading flower in a world where trust is also fading each and every day.
The journey continues with the album's title track as we follow two couples: one, a teenager hooker that doesn't tell the difference between affection and self-esteem in her relationship with her pimp. The other couple, a dominatrix and his slave who, during office hours, is her boss. They have to know that something's wrong with their lifestyles, isn't it? How an innocent girl could be treated that way and feel that need for a pimp? How come work is a great aphrodisiac, turning simple people into power and pain? This song is a funky-cheating-adult-oriented number with a brilliant horn arrangement, putting us in the key-city of the cheating events: New York. The center of infidelity.
After a lament of being "Nearsighted" and being rejected by girls because of this stupid excuse, Rupert sighs and takes the story on the "Lunch Hour" in Manhattan, where a girl takes the cab to visit her current lover in a hotel, just when she was supposed to have a meal. "Whatever had for lunch agrees with you", Rupert comments with her. With the fast paced rhythm, he also introduces us to a "lunch hour" of a Brooklyn businessman and the hot stewardess from Air Canada he meets every day in a hotel. It's the most colorful and descriptive song of the album, and Holmes proves himself as a first-level narrator.
"Him" is the moment when the singer finds out he's been cheated for a while, probably the same way he's been doing it. A pack of cigarrettes, next to the window, that is not his brand proves it, and he sings with the biggest self-compassion ever present in a pop song. This guy, Holmes, must really know about love and deception, we think. And the songs' order is a good proof of that. After "Him", we can tell the broken hearted guy's is compulsevly searching for love with his "Answering Machine", he wonders about the women he'll never get to love when he sees them on the streets, and feels a lot of nostalgia. So he goes down to the bottom of his moods. But at the near end of the album, he decides to be sincere with himself and start believing that there must me something better than the life he's been thru. "Get outta yourself". Cheating is not about an obsession with other people but with ourselves and our lack of inner peace.
The end of the album is a resolution, a conclusion, a bet for love. "In You I Trust" completes the circle and leaves the listener ready for another pass of that sweet and sour taste of love, need, infatuation and cheat. A must for all wives and lovers around the World.
“Why I cheated”: Women fess up
By Chelsea Kaplan
You’ve probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations—from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation.
Reason #1: There’s no passion
“I had been with John for about three years—he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work, and while I was gone, I got together with a co-worker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home, and began dating the guy from the trip. Even though I’m not super-proud of my actions, things ended up for the best: After dating for a few years, the guy from the trip and I got married, and we’re incredibly happy together.”
– Giselle, 30, Montvale, NJ
Reason #2: To delay a breakup
“Right before I was going to break up with my ex, Sean, he found out that he had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He was so broken up about it that I didn’t have the heart to end things, so I waited a month or so until he was in better shape. When things seemed to be better and I was ready, he lost his job, so I felt like I was back to square one! By that time, I had met someone else that I really wanted to start seeing, so I went ahead and did it. I eventually ended things, never telling Sean about my extra-curricular dating. I think I rationalized that I was trying to spare his feelings.”
– Stacy, 30, Lexington, KY
Reason #3: Because absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder
“My boyfriend Greg and I decided to do the long-distance thing after I was accepted to a graduate program 200 miles from where we lived. The first few months were fine, but I soon found myself becoming extremely attracted to my lab partner, Henry. What began as innocent flirting eventually wound up with us in bed. After the program was over, I returned home to Greg. Being with him was really difficult, but I didn’t break up with him initially because I was still attracted to him, too. I visited Henry a few times, and realized that he was really more of a fling, probably born out of boredom, and that Greg was the one for me. I eventually stopped communicating with Henry. I never told Greg about what happened, which occasionally makes me feel guilty, but I chalk my cheating up to being young and silly. He and I are still together, four years since my program ended.”
– Tamara, 33, Portland, OR
Reason #4: So she’s not left out in the cold
“I began dating Eric shortly after I had been dumped by Dave, my boyfriend of two years. I was devastated and Eric was definitely a rebound thing. After Eric and I had dated for five months, Dave came back and wanted to give things another shot. I still really missed him, so I began seeing him, but never ended things with Eric. I think I sort of kept Eric around for insurance purposes, just in case things didn’t end up well with Dave. Dave and I didn’t make it on round two, and after Eric discovered through mutual friends that I had been seeing him again, he ended things with me. I definitely learned my lesson about dating two guys at the same time, not to mention trying to rekindle a relationship that’s just plain over.”
– Jen, 28, Oak Park, IL
Reason #5: She deserves better
“When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was. For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him. One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off. He was the complete opposite of Ethan—kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act. I hooked up with Will the night before he left, and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we’re married.”
– Allison, 30, New York, NY
Reason #6: She’s looking for a missing piece
“I’m from Florida, so I adore going to the beach and boating, but my former boyfriend, Chris, a total city boy, hated it. We always argued about where we’d take trips, and he always won. About eight months into our dating, I took a trip to Key West with my friends and we chartered a boat for the day. The captain of the boat was this totally hot, complete ‘beach guy for life’ type, and I spent the whole day flirting with him. We met him out that night, and he and I got together. I never told Chris about it after I got home and I never felt guilty; I think part of me felt like that’s what Chris got for being so stubborn! Chris and I didn’t make it, and after we broke up, I made sure any future boyfriends loved the beach!”
– Lizzie, 32, Chicago, IL
Reason #7: To give him a taste of his own medicine
“My last boyfriend was a total player before we got together. I thought I could change him, but I was wrong. I always heard rumors that he was hooking up with other girls while we were dating, but he always denied it. One night, I got a call from a girl he had been seeing, and she detailed their three-month-long relationship to me and told me about another girl she had discovered he was seeing as well. I was so mad that I went out with my friends that night, dressed to kill, and went home with the hottest guy I could find; I felt like it was the least he deserved! I loved seeing the look on his face when I told him about what I did and that I knew about the other girls. And then I dumped him!”
– Ashante, 25, College Park, GA
Reason #8: There’s something lacking in the physical department
“My ex was a terrible kisser—the worst! I really liked everything else about him, but whenever it came time to get physical, I just cringed. One night when I was at a party without him, a bunch of people started this old-school, yet fairly intense game of spin the bottle, and I felt like I had to join, as I hadn’t had a decent kiss in a long time! I probably kissed about 10 guys that night, all of whom were so much better than my ex. I ended things pretty quickly after that experience, which made me realize that the physical part of a relationship is truly important.”
– Marnie, 26, San Francisco, CA
Interlude: Rupert Holmes sings "Him," circa 1980.
And "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"
Men reveal: “Why I cheated”
Sometimes, when the going gets tough, the tough get it on with someone else. But what really makes men stray? A nagging girlfriend? Bad sex? An escape from loneliness? Yes, yes and yes. Hear why these men slipped away from their girlfriends and landed in someone else’s bed. Then — whether you’re a guy or a girl — use the info below to sidestep this kind of situation in your love life.
Reason #1: For payback
“I once cheated on my girlfriend after I saw on her cell phone that she had been text-messaging with her ex. They were pretty harmless messages, but it angered me that she had been communicating with him in the first place—I’d always thought they were a little too chummy. That night, I was out with friends and had a lot to drink. I got so worked up about those messages that I pretty much made it my mission to find another girl and hook up with her, which I did. I think it was a payback thing. We eventually broke up, but not because of that incident —I never told her— but more so because we just weren’t right for each other. I know it wasn’t the best way to handle my anger, but at the time, it sure did feel good.”
– Christopher, 29, Oakland, CA
Reason #2: The physical attraction just isn’t there
“Ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to women with large chests. My ex-girlfriend was great in a lot of ways, but she was completely flat-chested, which did absolutely nothing to make me sexually attracted to her. I tried to look past it, but it was hard. About two months into our relationship, I was out with a bunch of friends at a sports bar, and our incredibly hot and ample-chested waitress was really hitting on me. She gave me her number and asked me if I wanted me to meet her after her shift was over. I agreed, and ended up sleeping with her. It was just a one night thing, but it helped me realize I needed to end things with my girlfriend, because I had to be with someone I was madly attracted to.”
– Dave, 26, Roanoke, VA
Reason #3: She just isn’t there
“I cheated on my ex at a time when she was traveling so much that I never saw her. It was almost as if I didn’t have a girlfriend. I got so lonely—especially on the weekend nights, and I missed that companionship, both physically and emotionally. When she was gone, I began seeing someone else while I was still technically seeing my ex. I ended up telling my ex and she broke it off with me. In the end, I think things ended for the better, even though the steps I took to make it happen weren’t very honorable. I now make sure that whoever I choose to date doesn’t have a job that requires big-time traveling.”
– Scott, 30, Jessup, MD
Reason #4: He thinks he’s missing out
“I had dated Melanie all through college ever since we met at orientation. After we graduated, I moved to New York and she moved to Chicago, but we decided we’d stay together. I spent nearly every weekend traveling to see her, but during the week, I’d go out with my friends in New York and have a blast. After a few months of that drill, I knew staying true to her would be tough; going out in the city made me realize how many smart, beautiful women are out there, and never having been with anyone other than Melanie made me feel like I was missing out on a lot of fun. One night I hooked up with another girl, which finally made me realize I had to end things with Melanie. I told her what happened, and, as it turned out, she had done the same thing a few times. While we were both hurt, we realized we needed to take some time off. We stayed friends, and still are today, even though we’re married to different people.”
– Tom, 35, New York, NY
Reason #5: He’s moved on emotionally
“I met my ex in a Weight Watchers meeting, of all places. When we started dating, we were both about 50 pounds overweight. As the months went by, I took the program really seriously and quickly dropped weight. She didn’t adhere to the program, and her weight didn’t come off. After I lost the weight, I felt this new sense of confidence—women who had never spoken to me before began approaching me, and it felt great. My ex, on the other hand, was depressed about being heavy, and was always jealous of other women. One weekend when she was out of town, I met this gorgeous woman at my gym and we slept together. I never told my ex, but I did end up breaking up with her a few weeks after that incident. I’ve realized since then that I need to be with women who are on the same page as me about the things in my life that are important.”
– Brad, 41, Houston, TX
Reason #6: There’s too much fighting
“My ex and I used to live together, and we fought all the time. The constant tension made me miserable. In contrast to my ex, there was a girl at work who was easygoing, friendly and fun. One night we were both working late and ended up getting a drink together after we left. One thing led to another, and I ended up staying over at her place. As bad as this may sound, after that happened, I felt free. It was as if I finally had the courage to just end it with my ex already. When I came home the next morning, my ex went crazy, but for the first time, it didn’t bother me, because I knew what I was going to do. I told her exactly what had happened and that I’d be moving out that week, and I did. I began seeing the girl from work, and we’ve been together for about four months now.”
– Nate, 34, Boulder, CO
Reason #7: He needs a shot of self-esteem
“I’m really shy, and have never felt very comfortable approaching women. I once had a girlfriend who was just as shy as me. Our relationship was fine — nothing too exciting — but I was resigned to the fact that it was my best option. I went to a conference for business, and during one of the dinners, a really attractive, sexy woman at my table began hitting on me like mad. I was so shocked; nothing like that had ever happened to me before. It made my self-confidence skyrocket, and I felt on top of the world. She and I were together that night and a few other times during the conference. I never told my ex about what had happened, but I did end things with her a few months later. After the conference the other woman and I never saw each other again, but the experience gave me the confidence that I could go out and approach interesting, exciting women—I just needed that push.”
– Charlie, 33, St. Louis, MO
Reason #8: To fulfill a fantasy
“I once cheated on my girlfriend of six months when a girl I had been pining over for quite some time came on to me. She had been with someone else for a long time, so I knew she was off-limits. I have to admit, I’d still probably do it again; it was like my fantasy finally came true. I broke up with my girlfriend and dated this girl for a while, but we didn’t last. Sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality!”
– Mark, 44, New York, NY
Chelsea Kaplan is a Senior Editor at The Family Groove. Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.rumymother.blogspot.com
Holmes on Amazon.com:
